You learn to live without.

I’m being erratic.
I’m putting too much pressure on you.
I need to not have any expectations.

All I hear from you are the things that I need to do, how about addressing the things you’ve done to me??

YOU just disappeared one day.
YOU lead me to believe that you loved me.
YOU quit communicating with me.
YOU hid your sister moving in from me.
YOU lead me to believe that you were embarrassed by me.

You say that you need your space. You say that you still have feelings for me. You say that you want to work on us. You say that you need me to have no expectations. Do you realize that by asking me to have no expectations you are asking me to compromise EVEN FUTHER who I am and how I demand to be treated?? My only expectations were communication and quality time every now and again. I never asked for anything more, I never wanted anything more. All I ever wanted was you and open lines of communication. This wasn’t a problem for you in the beginning. why is it a problem now? I understand that you have a great deal going in at the moment but you were incredibly busy when we meet and you couldn’t stop reaching out to me,even when I didn’t answer for days you still pressed on and fought to win me. Why am I not worth the same amount of effort now? Is it because you’ve gotten what you wanted from me and now you are on to better things? If I wanted to work on an important relationship I would do more than the occasional “good night”
Text message. This alone leads me to believe that you could care less and drives me further away everyday. I don’t know what you want because I am sure that you are tap dancing around the truth in some mad effort to “not hurt me” but I’m done with the games. I can’t take it any more. I’m beginning to build a bridge over it and move on. Please just give it to me straight, I hate that I hate you now.

I think you are a brilliant man, you WERE very sweet and caring and I am sure that some day, if you can put someone ahead of your money, you will make some one very happy. Of that I am sure. As of this moment, you are making this girl absolutely miserable and brewing an immense amount of hatred in her.

Today I harden my heart and I’m never looking back.

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When enough is enough…

Let’s just start with 2015 has just been terrible for me. My closest relationship has always been my mother and recently she has been consumed with the “amount of stress in her life” because of my special needs nephew. Don’t get me wrong, we all love him to death and we all do everything we can to help, but mom has taken this “I’m all alone stance” and won’t let anyone help her, she just states over and over how alone she is or how stressed she is or how angry she is. Nothing we can do will shake her and now it’s effecting me… To the point that I lost the one good thing in my life. I have been so angry and so frustrated that I pushed the man I love away. I just kept pushing and pushing I think hoping for the affection I have been Denied and as a result I have smothered him and he “needs space” whatever that means… I feel empty and alone now and would do anything to get him back. I love him so much and in my stupidity pushed the one good thing in my life away. I can’t tell you how much I regret it and pray that he finds his way back to me, unfortunately I don’t believe he will. The damage I have done is irreversible and overwhelming. I wish I had known that our last kiss was going to be our last kiss I would have made it last forever. I wish I had know that our last hug was our last hug I would have made a better effort to remember how he felt under my fingers. I wish I had know that the last time I saw him was really the last time I would ever lay eyes on him, I would have never stopped looking at his handsome face. I would have never let go of his hand, I would have hung on every word he said, I would have sat a bit closer and held him a bit longer. He was amazing and wonderful and I couldn’t bring myself to just tell him what was going on in my life. This is a lesson I will never forget nor will I ever recover from. Dear God Just grant me ONE do over.

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Why Fairy Tales Exist

The Fickle Heartbeat

whyfairytalesexist

A beautiful feature post by Single Strides.

Once upon a time a little girl learned of fairy tales and Prince Charming. She used to steal midnights under the covers with her book and a flashlight. She’d stare out of the window looking for a shooting star, searching for a dandelion on the sidewalk, and blowing out all her birthday candles – always with the same wish.

Yet, this little girl was never a damsel in distress, she wasn’t a helpless princess. This little girl didn’t sleep through life, she didn’t run from her troubles, and she didn’t let anyone tell her that she can’t. Yet at the end of every night, this little girl would still fall asleep dreaming of a happily ever after of her own.

Once upon a time this little girl grew up. And I’ll be damned if someone still tells her that true love…

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I Have Confidence in You!

Why are we so judgemental?? Not only are we critical of other people we are so much more than brutal when it comes to something WE have done or created. Why? Why can not more people stand on their own soap box and scream “Look at me! I am AWESOME!!” We seem to have preprogrammed ourselves to expect the worst and thus crawl in our own little holes and hide. This is NOT ok!

I should probably enlighten you all as to what has so recently set this off…

My friends mother recently wrote a book and self published direct to Amazon (thank you to amazon for allowing the unknown publishers their pedestal!), when I asked him how the book was going he told me that it was slow going and that his mother was unsure of how to best advertize it. she had been turned down by so many publishers that she seems to have become gun-shy and as a result has seemed to put it on the back burner. I was outraged! I had taken the time to purchase, read, and review the book on goodreads.com, the book was outstanding, a stand alone story set in a well created other world with amazing characters and phenomenal scenes. The book transported me completely to the other world and I felt for the characters and their struggles. I understood their i and felt challenged by the ending. I wanted more as soon as I was done, I did not walk away feeling that this book was boring or sub par in any way so HOW could she be backing away and not wanting to shout from the roof tops that this book was awesome?! The world today baffles me, I feel lost and confused as to why we must bring each other down to bring ourselves up. So my dear friends if she will not stand on her own soap box I sure as heck will!

I challenge each and every one of you to go to http://www.amazon.com/Susan-Shell-Winston/e/B00HZP2QMS/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1414974003&sr=8-1-spell and download her book to your device! OR be a trooper and purchase the paper back! Read it, absorb it, pass it along (be sure to review it!). lets show Susan Shell Winston that her book IS amazing and all she really needs to do is get out there in front of the masses and tell everyone about it! Because, at the end of the day, isn’t that what we all need to do? get out there and MAKE people see just how amazing we are! Come on guys, help me out! Lets show the world what one stand alone author can do! Who says we need a big name publisher to back us up? Why can’t we just be awesome on our own??

While you’re at it, maybe visit http://www.holdenstone.com/index.php/other-works-by-susan-shell-winston and check out her other works (short stories and prose). What do you have to lose? Maybe you will stumble upon something there that truly moves you. I dare you!

 

 

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How much is it worth?

When we fall in love often times we fall head over heals, hands in the air like you don’t care, hearts and stars with mushy, warm fuzzy feelings deep into love. Call it love, call it lust, call it absolute craziness, whatever you want to call it it’s total and complete insanity. While falling for someone can be the best thing that life has to offer falling out of love can be the absolute worst. When things get rough, when thousands of miles comes between you or one of you simply becomes too busy to communicate you must ask yourself, what is it worth to me? Is this man (or woman) worth the tears I shed, worth the sadness I’ll endure, worth the pain I feel? Is this man (or woman) all that I’ve been looking for and all those things I never thought to ask for? Do they see in me what I see in them? Will they love me and care for me the way I believe I will love and care for them? Are we really falling out of love or is this just a test that I should attempt to endure? Will they always allow work to come between us or is this really just a one time thing… A HUGE one time thing. You must ask yourself when you are faced with the possibility of love, what is love really worth. Only when you can respond without a shadow of a doubt that yes, this man (or woman) is worth every tear I will shed, every sliver my heart will splinter, and every ounce of pain I know I will endure, will you know that, yes, he is wonderful and you are ready.

HOWEVER, if your pain becomes too tortuous, your tears come to quickly, and your heart by passes splintering and goes straight to shattered on the floor, well, perhaps, they aren’t the one. Relationships require work, it’s true. But only the good ones don’t feel like work.

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An Open Letter

The Fickle Heartbeat

an open letter

Shared by imperfectant.

I loved you. I’m not sure whether I still do, but I’m sure I did at a point, and I did with every fiber of my being. You brought me unexplained happiness that took over me every time I saw you or spoke to you, something that so many others failed to do at the time, but you did perfectly well. It wasn’t just hormones or infatuation or absentmindedness or any other thing, it was love.

I can say I saw you at your best when you said you felt like a rock star. I was also there when you started doubting yourself and revealing your inner demons to me. I see you conquering audiences with your intelligence and wit, and I see you losing your cool to small things. You’re both so strong and so fragile, so human in a way I never thought…

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When a Heart Breaks

The Fickle Heartbeat

heartbreak

Shared by meganlouann.

When a heart breaks, it aches. It literally aches. There’s a tightness in a chest and a lump in a throat and an ache that can’t otherwise be described.

When a heart breaks, everything is questioned. Every move, every conversation, every look, every encounter, everything.

When a heart breaks, a desire to immediately fill in the cracks with frivolous things only leads to frustration when there is a realization that only time can truly heal the break of the heart.

When a heart breaks, your mind is constantly racing wondering when it all changed. What happened. What went wrong. Why. Your mind is constantly racing wondering why.

When a heart breaks, a longing for the day when it will all be worth it takes over. When it will all make sense. When there is an understanding that a heart must be broken and mended over…

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